Tags: fiction

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That scene that should have been in The Lives of Tao

JILL'S DAD is still yammering about how he thinks women have a short shelf life while men age like fine wine. Suddenly, lightning cracks and thunder booms outside. The lights flicker and then go out.

When they come back on, the restaurant's clientele has changed. JILL'S DAD turns around, clearly baffled. The entire room is filled with women over thirty! He attempts to rise from his chair, but JUDI DENCH shoves him back into his seat. He looks left and right and sees that HELEN MIRREN, VIOLA DAVIS, MICHELLE YEOH, and EMMA THOMPSON are guarding the exits.

When he turns back to his own table, MAGGIE SMITH is sitting in his wife's place, a chillingly polite smile on her face.

"I believe your education concerning wine has been deficient," she says.

He looks around desperately for an explanation for this startling and threatening turn of events. ROEN (and TAO) is frozen in confusion. No help there. He spots his wife emerging from the bathroom, a shocked-looking JILL trailing behind. Hope dawns on his face--his wife will talk to these women and soothe their wrath!

Then she smiles the slow, hard smile of a woman who has finally had enough after thirty years of listening to his wine theory. He sags back into his chair, horror growing in his expression as he realizes he's alone and helpless, trapped by the very people he has always discounted as expired and worthless. And he has no idea what they have planned...

MAGGIE SMITH pours a glass of wine and smiles.


HP ficlet: Lessons in Immortality

I blame condwiramurs and terri_testing, who have had all sorts of interesting analyses on various topics lately. Including just what Dumbledore's deal is, to conceal and abet so much bullying and straight-up crimes and then sigh nobly about how sad it is that young men keep making such terrible mistakes. (One recent example here, but they're all good.)

So have a short fic exploring how such an internal conflict might look, one class period in the mid-1940s...

Lessons in Immortality
Fandom: Harry Potter (Disclaimer)
Characters: Albus Dumbledore, Tom Riddle
Categories: Gen, PG
Word Count: 972
Summary: Albus is determined that his NEWT alchemy students not be lured onto any of the tempting, dark paths to immortality. Especially not Tom Riddle.

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Anne, Mary, and Kitty

For some reason, I've been stumbling across Jane Austen references everywhere the past few weeks, from GIFs to novellas. So of course I must share!

Embedded in an advice column which you can read or ignore at your pleasure. But OMG it is the perfect Mr. Collins being... Collins-y. I can just see the tumblr now. "Hey girl, dined four times at Rosings!" We can get Wickam in on it too: "Hey underaged girl, quickie marriage in Scotland! ...at some unspecified time in the future, by way of London..."

Miss de Bourgh in Bath
Mr. Darcy has gone and married someone who is not Anne. Lady Catherine is furious. There's nothing to do but drag Anne off to Bath to acquire an alternate husband--Anne's input not required or requested. But it's a lot harder to control one's daughter away from the isolation of a country estate....

The Miss Bennets Set Forth
Mr. Bennet finally agrees to let Mrs. Bennet take Kitty and Mary to Bath (with strict instructions that there will be no marriages until the prospective gentlemen have come to Longbourn to ask for his permission properly), much to Kitty's delight and Mary's dismay.

Anne de Bourgh! Kitty and Mary! Yay for minor character love!

The Mechanical Manifesto

Very belated flash fic for [personal profile] 4thofeleven. Only very slightly tongue-in-cheek... (You can see this thread for the genesis of this ficlet.)

Title: The Mechanical Manefesto
Fandom: Star Wars (Disclaimer)
Characters: R2-D2, original character
Categories: Gen, PG
Word Count: 320
Summary: R3-Z9 sneaks out to hear her hero speak at a rally.

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Links to genre things

Catherynne Valente has a short story available online which fans (and anti-fans, for that matter) of noir detective stories should check out: "Secretario". "In the City, there are three kinds of people: the dead, the devils, and the detectives." Which reminds me of all those crime shows where someone has actually worked out the demographics, and discovered that, for instance, Cabot Cove really was basically composed of murderers and victims (though only like 1/3,000 successful detectives).

Switching genres, Jaime Lannister and Ned Stark have a lightsaber fight here. It really makes it clear just how much Star Wars is a space fantasy, because if I didn't know this was A Game of Thrones, you could almost have convinced me that it was a scene from a new Prequelier Trilogy.

"Grains of Sand Will Wear Away Stone," SW Shmi gen

For fialleril and everyone else who wanted Revolutionary!Shmi. It's short, but I think we can build on it.

Title: Grains of Sand Will Wear Away Stone
Fandom: Star Wars (Disclaimer)
Categories: Gen, G
Word Count: 404
Summary: Shmi's place is on Tatooine... because she has work to do.

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"The Galactica Goes Dry," BSG gen

Time to stop fiddling with this one. For notes on the story's origin, check my WIP list.

Title: The Galactica Goes Dry
Fandom: new Battlestar Galactica (Disclaimer),
Categories: Gen (with reference to Sharon/Helo), PG, Parody
Word Count: 963
Summary: Soon after the events of Maelstrom, a riot at Joe's Bar heralds the greatest crisis the Colonial fleet has ever faced: they have completely run out of alcohol.

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"Mercenary," SW Han gen drabble

I think I mentioned somewhere that I started writing "Indebted" while struggling with a Han-POV drabble. The drabble never quite came together the way I wanted (and I much prefer "Indebted" in the end, so it worked out), but since it is done, I might as well post it as a curiosity.

Title: Mercenary
Fandom: Star Wars (Disclaimer)
Categories: Gen, PG
Word Count: 100
Summary: Han figures that since any government is bound to be corrupt, he might as well enjoy flying in the Imperial Navy -- but there are some injustices he refuses to tolerate.

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